Thursday, May 17, 2012

Forgiveness... All My Life!

 A good friend of mine got me thinking, based on a technique she uses, about interacting with the lyrics of songs. In this case, I am interacting with it and replying to it as though my ex-husband is the one speaking, as this was "our song" back in the day, before we married.

I am writing this because today would have been our anniversary, had we still been together this week. I look at this to see what I've learned about myself, about him, about forgiveness... about God's mercy, about a lot of things. If we don't let go, allowing God to help us to forgive the past and learn from it, we are still living in it, thinking we've walked into the future when we haven't. And so, without further ado...

***UPDATE 7/16/13-- COME OVER and check out my FUNDRAISER! Journey to a Thousand Voices...

(Violet text, lyrics; red text, reply/ response)

K-CI and JOJO’s All My Life  

Baby (x11)
     Why do you call me Baby? You never treated me right the whole time we were together.
I'm So Glad...
     Why are you glad? You were the first to scam me, but sadly not the last.
I Will Never Find Another Lover
Sweeter Than You
Sweeter Than You
     You’re right, JJ… when I married you, that was certainly the truth. Perhaps it still is. We’ve drifted apart due to varying actions of the past, so I don’t know. That’s between you and the Lord my God, who I hope is now your Lord and Savior fully and truly, as well.
And I Will Never Find Another Lover
More Precious Than You
More Precious Than You
     This is quite possible, JJ. Quite possible, indeed.
Girl You Are..
Close To Me You're Like My Mother,
Close To Me You're Like My Father,
Close To Me You're Like My Sister,
Close To Me You're Like My Brother
     Well, in some ways, this is true: close like you like one of your parents and your sister, and far like the other parent. And as your sister in Christ, I did what I could despite the mess to hold and lift you up like a brother. Greater love, the Word says, has one than this: to lay down one’s life for his brother. And when we married, I was willing because I loved you that much.
And You Are The Only One My Everything
     I wish I could have believed that… I wish I still could. Life would have been so different had this been the truth at the time, when this was our song.
And For You This Song I Sing....
     Though with what intent? It isn’t for me to judge… but I know how I felt about it.

All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
     I believe you prayed for someone. I sincerely do. So I guess my question is, why didn’t you relish and praise God for what He gave you in me? Why did you treat me badly instead of like the precious treasure you claimed to know I was?
And I Thank God
That I…That I Finally Found You
     I thanked God I had found you, too, when we met. You seemed too good to be real, at first, before things changed.
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
     I believe that you prayed for someone, JJ. I really do believe you prayed.
And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too
     At first, I was thrilled, and I really wish I could still say that, since today would have been a day to celebrate, but it isn’t any longer so. I learned so much from our time together, though.
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
     As a brother in Christ, yes, I still love you as a brother. But nothing more. Not any more. Too much has happened between us.

I'd Send You All That I'm Thinking Of........Baby
     And what is that?
Said I Promise To Never Fall In Love With A Stranger
     Then how did it happen, over and over again, that you did just that?
You're All I'm Thinking Of
     Really? Sometimes I wonder if we ran into each other on the street if you’d even recall my face. I’d like to think you would, and that your life was much better… that you’re in a better space now, growing in Jesus Christ.
I Praise The Lord Above
For Sending Me Your Love
     I think sometimes you honestly did, and am thankful for those moments. Not everything was bad… it just outweighed the good so much. I wish things had been different.
I Cherish Every Hug
     I used to cherish every moment, before things went awry.
I Really Love You
     I believe you tried to love me. It isn’t for me to judge if you truly ever did or not, JJ… but it stopped feeling like it once we married.

All My Life (Ohhhh..Baby, Baby)
I Prayed For Someone Like You
     You mentioned that a time or two, yes… that I was your precious white chocolate, the love of your life, your one and only, the one you had prayed for forever.
And I Thank God
That I...That I Finally Found You
     But then, by your actions and words, you lost me, JJ. I would have stayed forever had things shown a glimmer of hope…
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
     I believe you prayed for someone who would love you unconditionally, and you were married to her, in me… but when it came down to it, I wasn’t strong enough to stay. I had to be strong enough to walk away instead.
And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too
     I had prayed for someone who would love me unconditionally. And I found it in God. Even in my closest friends, there are sometimes conditions… but God’s love is forever unconditional, for which I am thankful.
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
     As my brother, as someone made in God’s image, I do love you still… but no longer romantically. That faded so long ago…

You're All That I Ever Know,
When You Smile All My Face Always Seems To Glow,
You Turned My Life Around,
     I believe that you really believed that when we met. I was glad to help you out, and to get to know you. You were charming, and exciting. You were wonderful to me the first few weeks. And I was happy to help you with the things that had you down… financially, relationally, spiritually… I was so glad to help you turn your life around. But then you went back to the things that had your spirit tied to the world rather than walking away from it…
You Picked Me Up When I Was Down,
     And at times, you helped me stay picked up from being down, too, I must admit.
You're All That I've Ever Known,
     Not true, but that’s okay. I knew from the start I wasn’t all you had known.
When You Smile My Face Glows
     There was a time that this was true, and I treasure the few  moments of that reality.
You Picked Me Up When I Was Down
     Was so glad to do so.
Say...You're All That I've Ever Known
     Not true, once again, but I knew that from the beginning.
When You Smile My Face Glows
     And mine did, too, at first.
You Picked Me Up When I Was Down
     Yes… until I couldn’t do it anymore, I did. Whatever I was able to do, I did until I just couldn’t any longer.
And I Hope That You
Feel The Same Way Too
     There were a few times you picked me up, but then again, one of those times was by the throat against the wall so you could yell in my face. Does that count, JJ? Does it?
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
     Only now as a brother, nothing more.

And All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
      And then you treated me rotten after praying for me? I never will understand that mentality.
And I Thank God
That I…That I Finally Found You
     And I thank God you did, but I thank Him more that I finally found Him on a closer and more intimate level as a result of you losing me and I losing you.
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
     But then you lost me, yes you lost me by treating me bad.
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
     Never again as more than a brother, though I forgave you before I even walked out that door.

All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You  
     I believe you did pray for someone like me. But the someone you prayed for, you then treated like refuse. And I wasn’t. I’m not. Never was. I’m a jewel in the crown of God, part of His beloved, for which I humbly thank Him!!!
And I Thank God
That I ...That I Finally Found You
     I thank Him you did, too… I learned a lot from you, even if you don’t realize what all I learned.
All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
     I believe you.
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too
     As a brother, and nothing more. I forgive you and wish you well in life.

And All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God That I...That I Finally Found You.....
     And I thank God you did, too, but I realize I was never yours. I was intended for another, and so were you. We made decisions we can learn from. I’m thankful I’ve learned. And I praise God above for all I learned and experienced that was positive as a result of having known and loved you. But the goodbye happened because life couldn’t stay as it was. It had to change.

                                         K-Ci and Jojo - All My Life

Forgiveness has been a major theme of my life these few weeks past. Not that I don't forgive on a continuing basis, as Jesus commanded, for I do.  It just seems that sometimes, God wants to work with someone on a particular topic to get it all the way to their core. Forgiveness is a theme that, for me, has been life-long. There has been much hurt, but I am no victim. I choose instead to forgive. To learn as much as I can from a circumstance, event, or experience as possible. To absorb everything I can about something, so that I am in the best place to make a good decision I can be in.

I'll tell you a secret: recently, I haven't done so well with that. Those of you know know me will attest to that. Yet I have learned and continue to learn from it.

The biggest thing was this: trusting in people rather than God. I admit it. There was a four day period last week where this was entirely the case. I trusted in someone I thought had a direct line to God, my Father, rather than going directly to the Source of my life Himself. And I know there are consequences to these kinds of decisions.

I forgave the person, as well as myself, but it has always been myself I have the hardest time forgiving. I seek forgiveness throughout the day, daily. I do this because I KNOW my imperfections... at least some of them. I know my weaknesses and flaws; where I have fallen short. I KNOW that I am forgiven and covered in the blood of the Lamb of my Lord and Savior, as well. His Word promises me that... because you know what? He ALSO knows the intents of my heart. He knows every thought, intent, every breath that I take. I can go nowhere without His knowledge; I can do nothing without Him seeing it. I can think and say nothing that He doesn't already know about, and which hasn't been covered with GRACE and MERCY... with the blood of the Lamb of God.

                                         Twila Paris - Lamb of God

I've made my mistakes. Sometimes, on purpose. I will admit that. I think that goes without saying: I've used my free will a handful of times in ways I never should have... taken liberties with the grace of God I never should have. This was almost totally while in high school, but even so... none of it is excusable. And that is why I am so thankful that for ALL MY LIFE, I am forgiven. For ALL MY LIFE, the LAMB OF GOD has covered me, loved me, washed me, had mercy on me. And that ALL MY LIFE, I have been able and willing to extend that same forgiveness to others, as well as I am able... with the help of the Sweet Holy Spirit, Who guides me into all truth and redirects my path to keep my feet from hitting stones that they shouldn't. There are times I've hit stones. Thankfully, nearly all of those are well in the past so I can see them from afar, covered in Jesus' GRACE.

Jesus tells us to love and forgive our enemies. He says, if we do not love our brother and sister, we do not really love HIM. That we are to follow Him, and there will be persecution as we follow. Life won't always be a bed of eustoma, or of thornless roses.

All photos from
Climbing Thornless Roses
Forgivenuess... ALL YOUR LIFE! Just imagine! God loves you THAT MUCH... So much He died on your behalf. And with that death, in Christ, came forgiveness of sins; healing; salvation; reconciliation with God. NOTHING can ever separate us from the love of the One Who came to earth in the form of a human baby, ministered among the people and then allowed Himself to be sacrificed... slaughtered as a PASSOVER LAMB... and Who ROSE AGAIN from the grave to sit at the right hand of God the Father and Who sent His Spirit to intercede for us on earth as He intercedes from heaven itself. Jesus was the intermediary on our behalf... the One Who was the go-between between God the Father, Who is holy, amazing, awesome, and righteous, and man - you and I -  those who are imperfect, sinful creatures that He made in His image. And we were made to LOVE HIM. We were made for RELATIONSHIP. And that relationship is based on FORGIVENESS and LOVE, on GRACE and TRUTH and the life He has given in exchange for our own that we might LIVE eternally in His presence as part of His bride, as children of LIGHT... as children of the Living God, Who is our Living Love Divine!

So, forgiveness... it has been a theme. I think it always will be. Forgive others; forgive self. Love others; love self. Equal importance to be walking in the Light of the Word of God. Love and forgiveness go hand in hand, and both are required of us if we are to truly be children of the Living God.

If you, reader, have ever wronged me... if you have ever spoken evil or me, or thought it. If you have ever done me wrong in any way, KNOW you have been forgiven, even though there may be part of yo that doesn't want me to forgive. I HAVE FORGIVEN. Forgiveness is a CHOICE!!! And it is a choice I actively make today. And will again tomorrow. And did yesterday. And will again as often as needed, since it is a process, too.

And if you, reader, have something against me... whether or not you believe I truly wronged you... I ask your forgiveness. You see... though there are times I have purposely made decisions that weren't so great in my life, not one of them was ever with the intent to hurt another person, or to hurt God. Usually, I have been the one hurt in the end... but I know that unintended consequences happen... and others become bitter, hurt, or resentful. I pray that, in time, you will be willing to make the choice to forgive me, as I ask you forgiveness even now. If it seemed I intentionally hurt you, especially...

Forgiveness is a CHOICE, and it is up to each one of us to decide whether to follow the mandate of Christ, Who knows what is best for us, or not to do so. I CHOOSE to follow my Lord and Savior wherever He leads me, and when I am off the path, I CHOOSE to allow Him to redirect me, even when others think it is not the right decision, for it is HIM I ultimately will stand before in judgement, and it is HE Who knows the every intent of my heart, and everything about me... and so, with His GRACE and PEACE, I send my forgiveness into the wind of the Spirit to whomever is out there, whether they ever read this or not, to say, I apologize for hurting you, those whom are hurting. I seek your forgiveness, as I was wrong. I am not immune to making decisions that I believe to be the best ones for my life, and then being redirected by the Holy Spirit... and so, I'm sorry. For those initial decisions that weren't so hot, I apologize. I was wrong. And the Lord knows this is the case, and is my witness.

JJ, and everyone else... whether it was 34 years ago or earlier today... I choose to forgive and to seek forgiveness. In Christ, I thank God I am forgiven and under the blood of my loving Savior. I thank God that there is no curse on my life in any way, shape or form, as He became the curse on the tree on my behalf, as well as all who would choose to believe on Him.

I choose FORGIVENESS, I choose LOVE, I choose LIFE in Jesus Christ.

What about you?